I’m so bad, I keep on promising to blog more, but then don’t! If there’s anyone left who still reads my blog – I promise you I will try to do better!
So, where are we? Wee Man is now very close to 17 months old. He’s a gorgeous chunk of a boy, blonde and blue eyes and a real hunk. Everyone loves him and says how gorgeous he is. He’s walking and starting to talk more – growing up far too quickly!!
I must get back into my photobucket and upload some pics, but I quite often post pictures of us both on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook – feel free to look me up!
We had a beautiful cat, but we lost him to the main road recently – absolutely gutted and now Jess seems determined to fill our house with rodents; we have two hamsters and two gerbils now, sawdust EVERYWHERE!!!
I’m now a member of the Wight Bowmen – can’t remember if I mentioned it before. I love archery, I shoot both bare bow and compound and I’ve won medals for both
The kids are all doing ok, Kyle is managing the John’s Club charity shop and loving it, Matt is working in a hotel in Sandown, Jess lives with me and helps me loads and Alex is living with Matt.
All in all we’re doing ok, there is more going on – but that’s for another day!
Isn’t it amazing how quickly everything changes and people too. One day you think everything is ok then the world explodes or something.
People who you thought were one thing suddenly become something else and that change screws up so many people and their lives…..like ripples in a pond.
I’ve lost a few people who were important in my life this year. Some I’m not bothered about, some I am. Most of those people left of their own accord and some I cut ties with myself – the ones I cut ties with I had to do, for various reasons.
And it hurt.
Those people were in my life deeply and now they’re gone. I miss the people they used to be and the places they held in my life. I wanted them in my new life so very much, but that obviously wasn’t meant to be.
Sometimes I feel like there’s nobody left other than my family and everyone within the family is dealing with their own problems without worrying about me, I know I have at least one really good friend left and I hope they know how much I love them, but when I’m here in the dark with my phone in my hand, there’s no one I can ‘disturb’ in the small hours because the ones I want to disturb don’t want me in their lives anymore
So, we’re now separated….that sucks!
You know why, deep down in your heart; you know. As for everyone else; it’s none of your business – which is why I haven’t posted any details on social media, I’ve tried to keep this OFF social media but D isn’t letting me do that.
So, I’ve spent some time composing this and yes it’ll be published publicly.
I really wanted us to stay friends. I had planned to spend the rest of my life with you, after all. But, the snarky comments and lies about what I’ve done or not done keep coming. I have had enough! I can’t stay friends with that level of antagonism….not even for our son.
I am not going to sit here and type ‘you did this, you did that’ there really isn’t any point.
So now I will be civil. But, all communication must be only about our son and will be via text or email – that will be screen shotted and saved for future reference.
I am going to block you on Facebook too, I don’t need your snarky comments on my posts.
I will send photos of our son via email on a regular basis.
So, I’m going to have a lot of changes from now on. I will be writing on my blog more, but it’s going to have an overhaul first.
I’m seriously considering getting rid of all the stuff down the sides – I don’t use it and I doubt anyone else does either!
I’m going to be doing more crafts – so there will be more knitting and spinning happening.
I will also post more about Wee Man. He’s nearly a year old now and growing like a weed! He’s a gorgeous boy and has such a lovely nature!
Jess and I have decided we both need to lose weight so have started walking every day and we are going to adjust our diet accordingly.
The reason for all these changes? D and I have split up.
Im not going into details – no one else needs to know, but he has left and isn’t coming back in any capacity other than friend!
See you soon!
Life…it has a habit of getting in the way – have you noticed that?
Well, you certainly have if you read my blog LOL!
When D and I met, I thought my blog would be a great way of cataloguing our lives together – even more so when Little D came along. But, I’ve been so busy living life; I haven’t had time to sit and write about it!!
Little D is growing like a weed – he now weighs 16lbs 12oz and was 16 weeks old on Tuesday. He also has two teeth!
He’s still exclusively breastfed and I’m very proud at how much he’s grown – although it’s a bit of a shock that I’m dressing him in sleepsuits that are supposed to be for 9-12 month olds!!
D and I are doing great – we spend all our time together which seems to bother a lot of people, but they don’t understand that he’s my best friend and life partner and I’m his….we CHOOSE to spend all our time together and are perfectly happy to do so!
We celebrated our first anniversary in January and had a lovely day together and I’m looking forward to us celebrating my 40th birthday this summer with family and a few friends!
The older kids are all fine; Kyle now lives in a gorgeous one bed flat in the middle of Shanklin – he is busy doing something nearly every day!
Matt also has a flat in Shanklin, he works just down the road from his flat in a Michellin star restaurant called The Fine Nammet and I think his girlfriend, Vicky, will be moving in soon!
Jess is living next door, she has just taken up archery in the garden and is hoping to join the Wight Bowmen along with Mum, Kyle and D as soon as she can.
Alex moved to Swindon with Becky about a month ago, they’re currently living with her dad while they look for somewhere to live.
D and I are hoping to fit in a holiday at some point this year – not sure if we’ll manage it or not, especially as he’s promised to come to Wonderwool and Woolfest with me this year! But either way, life will still be busy and fun
Got to go, it’s time a little tired boy was in bed!
The last couple of weeks of my pregnancy were hard; I suffer with IBS from time to time and it hit full force making me chronically constipated! It was so bad; I resorted to taking lactulose the day before I was due.
That stuff did its job and I almost exploded at archery on Sunday afternoon lol
Unfortunately, by Monday evening I was feeling uncomfortable again so I took some more and went to bed!
I woke every 45 minutes throughout the night – which had become the norm for my pregnancy and waddled to the loo. I resisted straining as I was nursing a small haemorrhoid and didn’t want to make it worse!
I got up at 4am to go to the loo again, my guts were killing me and I felt awful. I went to the loo – still nothing – but when I stood up and looked in the toilet, I got an awful shock: there was blood and quite a lot of it!
I never had a show with my other children and didn’t know what to expect, but I was sure it wasn’t supposed to look like that!
Naturally, I panicked and went and woke D – then promptly burst into tears convinced something was wrong.
While he rushed around getting dressed, I called the hospital while sitting on a towel. I told the midwife about the blood, she asked if I had any pain and I said yeah and that I had for about a week due to the constipation. She asked what the pain felt like and I said: “Like I’m in labour, actually!” She said: “You probably are!”
At that point my waters broke and she told me to make my way to hospital. I called mum so she could drive us. Alex had heard my call and came rushing in to check I was ok – so I told him to take Isis into his room out of the way.
Mum had great fun speeding to the hospital and jumping red lights (I’m still waiting for the tickets to arrive in the post!!) and we arrived at the hospital around 4.20am the day after my due date!
The birthing pool was empty which was great as I’d decided when I first fell pregnant that I wanted a water delivery, so the midwife took me straight to the pool room. It’s quite a large room with the pool at one end, a bed for the mum if she needs it and a cot for baby. There’s also a door to a wet room so mum can jump in shower and use the loo.
Claire – the midwife – said she wanted to examine me to find out how dilated my cervix was. Turns out I was only about 1cm and my cervix hadn’t moved forward yet. Claire tried to bring my cervix forward, which was very painful, then I got up to walk around.
There was quite a bit of blood on the bed, but Claire said not to worry. We decided I wouldn’t get in the pool yet as it was early in the labour and getting in the water too early can actually stop it.
So I paced around talking to D and Mum for the next 90 minutes – which seemed to pass really quickly. Then I got in the pool!
It was lovely! It was warmer than I was expecting and because the water took the weight of the baby; it felt very different, but I did need entinox!
Labour progressed quite quickly. D held my hand the whole time and consoled me when I was sick shortly after getting in the pool.
Labour in the pool was very different than on a bed – I wasn’t wired up to machines, I wasn’t examined repeatedly after that first time; I was left alone to get on with it. The only time I was touched by Claire was when she used a doppler on my bump to check the foetal heartbeat!
I think it was about 7.30am when I knew he had moved down and I was ready to push. By this point I was kneeling in the pool, gripping D’s hand with my left hand and the entinox with my right.
When I had my other children; the midwives assisted in the birthing of the head – but this time, I was left alone again to do it myself. It was a lot better.
At 7.53, I pushed our son into the world. He was beautiful and the three of us cuddled while I sat in the water with him. Our baby was very white and had some trouble waking properly, so instead of having a decent period of skin-to-skin contact; the decision was made to cut the cord (which I did myself) and rub him down after just five minutes.
I got out of the pool and lay on the bed to deliver the placenta while a nurse took the baby to another room to rub him down and give him a bit of oxygen. D went with him as I couldn’t and they were back very quickly.
I was told that he weighed 8lb 8oz and had already done a dirty nappy!!
After a short while, Mum went home and I sat in the chair to give him a feed – he was still quite lethargic so I gave him what he would take and then the midwife gave him a formula top up while I had a drink.
By 11am I had had a shower and baby, D and I were on the ward and doing great. Although, I did have a massive headache as I’d gotten dehydrated from the entinox and my shoulders ached. I complained about that to D and he laughed and said it was because I was pulling him towards me while I was giving birth! He said it was a two hour arm wrestling match and he didn’t know I was that strong!
We had a few hours alone together before visiting hours started and Jess turned up to meet her new brother. D popped outside to call his mother and while he was out; Jane called him to tell him that Tessa (his oldest daughter) had had a baby boy at midday – just five hours after I had given birth!
At 2pm, Jess arrived quickly followed by friends, Stacey & Danny, Vicky then Mel, Leigh & Mason!
Mum arrived at 6pm to take D home. Unfortunately, I had to stay in hospital overnight due to the trouble the baby had after birth, but I was discharged by the next day.
So, here he is. Little D, or Darrell Edward as he is officially, after his daddy.
Saw midwife today – the baby’s head is ⅗ engaged in my pelvis.
All is looking good!
I even managed to get a recording of the heartbeat!!
So….I know I haven’t blogged much – been dealing with the pregnancy and life in general.
I am now 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I am suffering from sciatica and restless leg syndrome. The whole pregnancy has been very different than what I’m used to!
When I fell pregnant with Kyle, Matt, Jess & Alex; I had no symptoms other than a missed period. I didn’t get sore breasts or morning sickness – nothing. I sailed through the entire pregnancy with each one!
I knew I was pregnant with this one before I even missed my period! I sat up one morning and my breasts were really sore! I even had a negative pregnancy test! I had to take another test a week later.
I suffered with nausea (the only time I was sick was during a migraine) for 14 weeks! It was awful, I woke up feeling sick, I felt sick if I ate, if I didn’t eat – nothing helped! All I wanted to do was sleep!!
I started to show really early too – by 12 weeks I already had a bump and I started to feel movement around the same time!
Over the past 38 weeks, I have really noticed the changes in my body – something I never noticed with the others.
He’s a very active baby too, I feel movement through the day pretty much constantly – sometimes, it’s even painful!!
The Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) has been the worst thing to deal with though. Imagine being completely exhausted and going to snuggle in bed, but the minute you lie down; you feel this pressure building up in your hips and if you don’t keep your lower legs constantly moving: your leg will spasm so hard, it sets the sciatica raging! It feels like your body is betraying you.
I have sat for 4-5 hours rocking on the edge of our bed willing it to go away – then 20 minutes after I fall asleep; I need to get up for the loo….my visits to the loo are now around every 45 minutes throughout the night! Sometimes I can get back into bed and go straight back to sleep, but sometimes the RLS starts up again and keeps me awake. I’ve found its worse if I allow my lower body to get cold!
Some nights I can sleep on my left side (which is supposed to be better for the baby), but 99% of the time lying on my left makes it hard to breathe. So I’ve spent 9 months trying to sleep on my right side.
The past few days have felt different again – I’m having all the classic approaching labour signs; opening my bowels more frequently, stronger Braxton Hicks contractions (never had them before!), my breasts feel firmer and I feel very heavy and draggy – like a strong cough would cause him to fall out lol.
Are all these differences because I was younger then and didn’t pay as much attention, or is it because I’m older and the whole pregnancy is taking a harder toll on my body – who knows?!? But having a baby at 39 is a LOT different than having a baby at 19!!
Either way, D and I are very excited to meet our son. We’ve been ready for ages – we have everything we need. The crib is set up, hospital bags and baby seat are in the car and the midwife knows I would like a water birth!
Hopefully, I’ll be sharing a ‘meet our son’ post with you VERY soon!!
I haven’t written on here in months!
I know, I’m such a bad blogger – Claire even told me off
I have a ton of excuses! Mainly, my Mac died (I’m devastated!) and WordPress is shite on an iPad!
D and I spent a lot of time talking, got ourselves sorted out and things are going brilliantly, although we have found out that at some point in the past (and D thinks he knows exactly when); he has had a stroke! This has quite upset both of us and we are learning how to deal with what damage has been done, but we’re both furious that we were told in such an offhand manner (a CC’d letter to his GP from the neurologist) and that he has not been given any form of counselling or therapy because the stroke is ‘established’!
But it does explain his memory losses and other problems that he’s been having.
12 Week Scan!
On May 21st, we had our 12 week scan. All looked good, baby was a good size! Then only a few days later, I felt the baby move for the first time – very early, I know and I really wasn’t sure at first. But I soon discovered that every time D massaged my back, I got a kick!
In June, we went on holiday to Turkey with Mel and Leigh – we had a fabulous time (even though I was a complete wimp on the plane, as usual!)
Turkey is very beautiful and I got used to bartering quickly, but it is a pain to go wandering around town and be constantly bombarded by people wanting to sell you stuff!
Even though I didn’t strip down to a bikini (to protect my bump), I did catch the sun and came home with a beautiful tan – D came home with sunburn LOL, but we really had a nice time!
We timed it just right too – it was starting to get unbearably hot the last couple of days we were there and I don’t think I could’ve coped if we had gone any later in the year. I felt like I spent a lot of time just sitting in the pool because the water was cold as it was LOL.
We visited Ephasus and Pamukkale, Bodrum, took in shows, had a Turkish spa day – it was great. I was even adopted by the hotel kitten!
We got home on June 18th and two days later (on my birthday!) Alex was admitted to hospital with some kind of bacterial infection. He was freezing, but had a temperature of 40 and his heart rate was all over the place. They did lots of tests, but didn’t seem to really know what was wrong and kept saying they wanted to keep him in for observation.
The first night was awful, he was overheating and the ward was noisy, then they moved him to another ward for further observation.
Except no one ‘observed’ him for over 7 hours and it took 3 hours just for someone to bring him a requested drink and paracetamol for a headache!! He got so pissed off at that point, he discharged himself and came home!
Four days later, we heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time – it was great to finally hear it!
Then we went off to Woolfest!
We stayed with Karen and Tony on Thursday and Friday night. We went to Woolfest on Friday and poor D got dragged round and introduced to everyone – I think his head was spinning by the end of it all LOL
We couldn’t stay for Saturday as Kyle had his very first archery competition in Wareham on Sunday. As they’re almost opposite ends of the country, we decided to drive back down on the Saturday and camp near the competition field.
All in all (traffic jams not withstanding) we had a fab weekend!
Of course, the week after Woolfest is the start of the Tour de France and I pulled out some gorgeous fibre I bought years ago from Freyalyn and decided to 3 ply it!
I actually only just finished it a few days ago and haven’t even wound it off yet, so you can’t see a pic as it’s still on bobbins, but I got loads and it’s going to make a gorgeous cardigan or something!
Then on 9th July, we had our 20 week scan!
It’s a boy!!
Yes, I’m going to have another boy – I actually wanted a girl to start off with, but as soon as the sonographer confirmed that he is healthy; I burst into relieved tears of joy that he’s ok!
He’s a good size and everything looks great!
We have now got all our equipment and a nice sized bundle of newborn and 0-3 month clothes – we’ve even upgraded the car! We’re now the proud owners of a Renault Scenic Alize!
Kyle attended another archery competition in Bournemouth mid July and had a great day – he beats his personal best nearly every time he shoots!
At the moment we are flat hunting locally for somewhere for Kyle. He has a flat in Ryde, but it’s a 15 minute drive away and I must admit; I’d like him nearer us!
I will be 26 weeks pregnant by tomorrow and I’m MASSIVE! But all is going well and I feel fine!
I have to have a gestational diabetes test on Friday, but it’s standard procedure because I’m 39 and overweight!
I need to do some serious uploading to Photobucket (which has gotten dreadfully slow lately) so I can post you lots of pictures of everything LOL.
I will try to post more, but getting married and pregnant seems to have taken over my world! I’ve done very little knitting or spinning and I’m dreadfully behind – I keep wondering if I can learn to knit/spin while breastfeeding!!
Once I’ve got a decent computer to post from, hopefully I’ll post more!
Don’t worry, there will definitely be baby pics 😉
It’s funny what you discover after you marry someone, isn’t it?
When I married Darrell, I knew he was having these absences. He’d been through a lot and while we didn’t know what caused them, I finally got him to agree to seek help.
Most of the time, the absences were just that; a 10 second absence where he was unresponsive and there would be some memory loss both before and after too.
But, once a month or so, he would have a big absence – his personality would change (he could get quite verbally nasty), he would argue about everything and it would go on for hours…even days!
We attended an appointment at neurology just before we moved and the consultant said he thought it was a fugue state, he wanted Darrell to have an EEG and an MRI to start. The EEG is booked for this Thursday.
Yesterday we woke up and were discussing going shopping and he said to me ‘promise you won’t get shitty’ I got stressed ONCE in a supermarket and it’s constantly thrown in my face!
I told him I only wanted to buy essentials, not luxuries such as puddings (he’s bought several since the move) and he more or less went bananas at me. He’s blaming me because our benefits payments have been suspended so they can sort our joint claim – he’s pretty much blaming me for everything.
Every time we have had an argument, he asks me if I want him to leave – today I said ‘yes’. I even gave him money so that he could get back to his family instead of throwing him out homeless and penniless.
I’ve had a day of crap posted on my facebook timeline and text messages as a result.
So, I am now ‘separated’ and I shall be bringing child number 5 up alone – I know I’ll be alone because he’s told me that while he’ll provide (I’ll believe that when I see it!), I won’t see him again. Whatever, that’s up to him, isn’t it!
I have told his daughter I’d like to stay in contact with her and her family, I leave that up to them. I really hope they do stay in touch, but I understand if they don’t.
At least I’m back on the Island with a family that can support and help me out with a baby, I won’t be completely alone.
Darrell is planning to cancel his appointment for the EEG on Thursday – I’m sad about that as I truly believe he needs help to investigate what is going on. But ‘you can lead a horse to water, you can’t force it to drink’ as they say.
I really hoped this would work, I know people thought I was a fool for rushing into a relationship so quickly and an even bigger fool for getting pregnant at 37 so soon after the wedding. Maybe I am. We’ll see! At least this baby will be just as loved as it’s older siblings (the ones I raised, anyway) and well cared for.
I just can’t spend the rest of my life being blamed for everything (I’m not completely blameless, never said I was), nor can I spend the rest of my life living on tenterhooks waiting for the next explosion. I won’t put myself through that, nor will I subject a child to that either!
He’s promised to quit drinking – he hasn’t done it, he buys alcohol most weeks. He promised to take meds prescribed by his GP but hasn’t done that either. I can’t put up with broken promises!
I do love my husband, but I don’t love the person he is when he is like this and it gets to the point where it doesn’t get resolved because no one is willing to apologise or compromise.